


in which a bat is swung at a hornets nest and met with hundreds of far smaller bats

by quincycarter



Series: the hornet zone [2]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Canon, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Amnesty, Canon Rewrite, Hornets, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Not Canon Compliant, Past Drug Use, will tag characters and relationships as i go
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-25
Updated: 2019-08-04
Packaged: 2020-05-19 10:03:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19354753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quincycarter/pseuds/quincycarter
Summary: The Pine Guard has stepped aside, leaving Mama and Barclay to run Amnesty Lodge while a group of delinquents runs wild fighting Abominations (and the occasional cop). The town of Kepler has begun to grow sick of said group of delinquents. And Aubrey has been thrust into the middle of it.Will she learn to harness her powers? Will the local authorities get that stick out of their ass? And will Jake convince Mama to let him join a gang??The answers to all of those problems are probably no, but you may as well find out, right?





	1. Welcome to Kepler

**Author's Note:**

> any and all references to actual lines in the podcast are accidental cause i wrote this over the course of one and a half hours without checking the wiki/transcripts once, shoutout to astrophel (rencretia on tumblr astrophels on ao3) for beta reading chapter one youre a real one astro

Hollis rubs their eyes as they stare at the ceiling, wondering for the 100th time who thought it would be a good idea to make this a popcorn ceiling, and, more importantly, whether or not all the apartments in this building have popcorn ceilings. They have no idea why they’re up so early (though a voice in the back of their mind tells them that 11 am is not early) and are just making up their mind to roll over and go back to sleep when a knock at their door startles them. They try to stay quiet, hoping whoever it is will just go away, but this proves impossible when the knocker reveals herself.

 

“Hollis, dammit, this is important, so get off your sorry butt and come to the door so I can sit down for a minute!”

 

Of course Mama has something important one day before the full moon meeting. Of course she does.

 

Hollis groans, dragging a hand down their face, and shouts, “I’m coming, hold your horses, Jesus!” They roll out of bed, literally, landing with a loud thunk. They lay there for a few seconds before sighing and climbing to their feet, already feeling a bruise forming on their left knee.

 

When they reach the door, they’re shocked to see Mama standing with a somewhat confused young adult with brown skin, bright red hair, and a rabbit inexplicably held in their arms.

 

“I couldn’t get her to leave the rabbit–”

 

“–You mean Dr. Harris Bonkers, PhD–”   
  


“–Yeah, yeah, I mean Dr. Harris Bonkers, PhD, in the truck, but I don’t think he sheds, so I didn’t think you’d mind.”

 

“Oh, I groomed him last night, he should be fine. Um, I’d shake your hand, but I don’t have anywhere to set the doctor, so we can do that later.” 

 

“Yeah, that’s a real cute bunny, who the hell are you?” Hollis does their best to look unamused, though they’re fighting a strong urge to pet Dr. Harris Bonkers, PhD. (They are unamused, but they also have two eyes and a heart.)

 

“I’m Aubrey Little, or the Lady Flame. I do magic, but not the real kind, contrary to popular belief.” By the end of her second sentence, Aubrey is giving Mama a  _ look _ that Hollis can’t quite parse. “Also, I might be wanted by the police, so there’s that.”

 

“Great, because I need to harbor criminals this week.” Hollis shakes their head slowly, then steps back, allowing Aubrey and Mama entry into their home. “Come in, I guess, and y’all can tell me what you’re doing here without any prying ears.”

 

“Right, yeah.” Aubrey scratches the back of her head, seeming to just realize that she said both her name and that she’s a fugitive where anybody could hear. Mama shakes her head and smiles tiredly, pushing past her to take a seat at Hollis’s dining table. Aubrey follows sheepishly.

 

“I need some coffee, do you guys want any?” Hollis busies themself in what passes for their kitchen as they wait for Aubrey and Mama to get situated.

 

“I’m good,” chirps Aubrey, right as Mama nods.

 

“I suspect our guest here will change her mind once we tell her what’s going on.”

 

“Really, Mama, I’m fine,” Aubrey laughs. A hint of nervousness slips into her voice by the end of her statement, but she returns to petting her rabbit.   
  
“Mama... She’s not a recruit, is she?” 

 

Hollis’s question hangs in the air for a moment before Aubrey shakes her head and asks, “Sorry, a recruit? What do you mean?” 

 

Mama ignores her. “Hollis, I know you need help. I saw what that last abomination did to Tim and Bevan. I really think Aubrey has what it takes, and I know this’ll keep her outta trouble.”

 

“We don’t need help, and this is an especially bad time, the full moon meeting is tomorrow! We can’t just take on a new recruit the day before a hunt!”

 

“Hold on, hold on, hold on, what’s going on? You guys are really freaking me out, I– I don’t even know you, and you’re talking about– About recruits, and the full moon, and hunts...” Aubrey stands up, Dr. Harris Bonkers, PhD, safely on the table where she’d been sitting.

 

Hollis shakes their head, wincing. Their introduction wasn’t easy either. “Aubrey, this is a big mistake, just go back to your normal life, okay? This doesn’t concern you.”

 

“This absolutely does concern her, Hollis. She can... She can do magic.”

 

“Fake magic! Card tricks! The fire, that was– That was flashpaper!”

 

“Aubrey... You and I both know that wasn’t flashpaper.”

 

There’s a moment of silence as Mama stares deep into Aubrey’s eyes. Aubrey shudders and looks away.

 

“What does this have to do with anything? She sounds more like your ward than mine, if she really can do magic.”

 

“She’s... She’s human, Hollis. I’m sure of it.”

 

“As opposed to what?” Aubrey collapses into her seat. “I’m having... A really bad day, so I really hope you guys aren’t fucking with me.”

 

“Maybe we should talk this out at the Lodge.” Hollis walks over to their coat rack and starts to grab their bomber jacket, then hesitates. “But first... Coffee.”

  
  
  


Aubrey takes a deep breath, staring into the depths of the fireplace in the common room of Amnesty Lodge. Hollis and Mama’s bickering has started to draw a crowd, and Aubrey feels her heart racing. Through the beat of her heart, Aubrey hears Mama ask her something.

 

Is she asking her to do magic?

 

Without thinking, Aubrey palms a bit of flash paper, snaps, watches it go up in flames. Her heart rate decreases with the action, and she smiles gently.

 

“Not the fake shit, Aubrey– Real magic.” Mama places a hand on Aubrey’s shoulder, squeezes, slightly. As Aubrey looks up, she notices a girl with long blonde hair whispering to a boy in full snowboarding gear. The girl is wearing a tie-dyed tank top with the rattiest jeans Aubrey’s ever seen, covered in smudges of dirt and grime, and the boy lifts his goggles to reveal piercing blue eyes.

 

Aubrey feels her heart stop, turns to the fireplace, and barely senses the heat as a fireball shoots out of her outstretched hands.

 

“Holy shit,” she murmurs, staring at the crackling flame beginning to coat the logs in the fireplace. “I– I really did that?” She turns to look at Mama, who gives Hollis a look that says  _ I told you so _ louder than Aubrey can shout.

 

And Hollis is dumbstruck. They lift their sunglasses to their forehead, squinting at the flames, then at Aubrey, then at Mama.

 

“Huh. Maybe we could use somebody like her. Aubrey Little, right?” Aubrey nods wordlessly as Hollis just barely smiles. “Welcome to Kepler.”


	2. I'm Comin' With You

Duck rubs his eyes, blinking to clear the afterimage of the arch in his dream. It takes a moment for him to figure out why he’s awake as his eyes refocus, but the ringing of the Monongahela National Forest Ranger Station’s landline breaks through his haze quickly enough.

“I got it,” he mutters, noting that Juno is far too deeply into the music playing through her massive headphones to hear even the shrill ringtone of the phone, much less his voice.

A smooth voice on the other end of the phone says, “This is a ranger, yes? There’s a fire at the Park and Camp, and quite a bit of noise. Correct me if I’m wrong, but those are against the rules?”

“Uh, yeah, Smokey the Bear would not be down for that, I feel like. I’ll be down there to deal with that in just a mo’.” Duck puts down the phone and sighs, reaching for his hat. Juno slips off her headphones and gives him a curious look, which he dismisses with a “Just a bonfire at the Park and Camp, nothin’ big, can you hold down the fort?”

“‘Course I can, Duck– You feelin’ alright? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

Duck shakes his head, trying to clear the fog brought on by his dream, something he hasn’t had in years. “Yeah, Juno, don’t worry about me. Just a little light headed.”

“Alright, well, stay safe out there.” Juno slips her headphones back on, but Duck sees her turn the volume down significantly as he steps out the door.

As Duck rolls up to the Park and Camp, he sees that the caller wasn’t kidding. The fire burning in the parking lot is what used to be a bonfire, and a big one, at that. He sighs, pulling his hat down over his head, and takes a moment to collect himself.

As he knocks on the door of the only camper in this part of the lot with one hand, fixing his hat with the other, he hears a gun cock, and he freezes. After a moment of silence, he takes a deep breath. “Excuse me–”

In quick succession, a gun fires behind the door, a large dent forms in the door, and a person behind the door yelps loudly.

“Shit.” Duck fumbles for his walkie talkie and shouts, "Juno? Can you get me some cops?"

"You got it," Juno replies.

"Shit! Shit, shit, shit– Are you alright?" The person behind the door drops something– Probably their gun– And Duck laughs nervously.

"What the fuck, man?"

"Okay, listen, you can't call the cops, I can't– I need help."

Against his better judgement, Duck grimaces and says, "Help? With what, readin' one of the signs sayin' no fires, no guns, or no shootin' rangers? Come on, man, its common sense stuff, you're in a national forest, for fuck's sake!"

"I'm real sorry about that, but we got a bigger problem! There's a– A bear, it's after me and my friend, I swear, I wouldn't have a gun if I didn't need it!" The occupant of the RV slides the door open, and Duck sees a 20-something year old woman in a tank top and a toboggan hat with her hands above her head. She grimaces, then puts her hands down, up, and back down. "I– I swear on my life, mister, uh..."

"...Duck Newton. District Ranger."

The occupant laughs. Duck almost winces, but keeps a straight face. Of fucking course.  
She forces a "Your name's Duck?" through her giggles.

"It's a nickname," Duck says, wishing with every atom of his being that it was actually a nickname.

"I'm sorry, it's just– My name's Pigeon! Crazy, right?" She goes back to laughing, holding on to the door frame. Duck takes the moment to glance around the RV, spotting three pivotal items: A bottle of Yuengling, a basket of wild mushrooms, and a second gun leaning against a wall.

"Yeah, that's, uh. Pretty crazy. Now, I need to know why–"

Duck is interrupted by the sound of a very fast car. He turns around as Pigeon throws her hands into the air to see Juno's personal car speeding into the lot. Juno jumps out, brandishing a Maglite in one hand and a hockey stick in the other.

"I couldn't reach the cops, so I figured good ole Sugar was a good backup!"

"Oh my god, Juno– You've been carrying that stick around since grade school, I don't think she's gonna kick any more asses for you."

"Hey! Juno Divine! What're the, uh, what are the chances?"

"Oh my god, Pigeon? What are you doing, kid, you know better than this!"

"I know, I know, I wasn't planning to break any rules, I swear! I, uh– My buddy Pete, he's in trouble. Trust me, I– Y'all would not believe the night I've had." Pigeon leans down to grab her bottle of Yuengling, then gives Juno a look over Duck's shoulder. "I know it's against the rules, but– You'll understand when I tell you."

As she takes a swig, Duck turns to Juno. "You know her?"

"Yeah, she was in that mentorship program I led in 2014. Vicky's girl. Good student, stubborn, though. And impulsive." Juno narrows her eyes just slightly. "Are you even old enough to be drinkin' that?"

"What're you gonna do, tell my dad?"

"I got your safety in mind, you know that!"

"Whatever– Listen, there's somethin' in those woods– It's after Pete, I– The fire's to scare it off, but I dunno how long Pete's gonna be safe, please, you gotta help–"

"Slow down, alright? Why didn't you call a ranger in the first place?" Juno smiles encouragingly, stepping up next to Duck.

"I– Well, I think we mighta been breakin' the law out here– Is it okay to pick the mushrooms in there? Pete's real good at identifyin' 'em, and he makes this mean stew..."

"That's fine, I just– Would you really rather your friend maybe get mauled or somethin' than pay, like, a fine? Even if it were illegal, they wouldn't arrest you for that, Jesus christ..." Duck pulls his hat back over his face, grimacing.

"I– Well. Uh."

"That's what I thought. Now, you said a bear?"

"Yeah, only, it wasn't a bear, exactly– I've seen bears, but this thing was– It was huge. Way bigger than any bear I've seen. And its fur was all fucked up, like, patchy and rotting, and I swear to God I saw a horn stickin' out of its shoulder– It wasn't natural, y'all, it was– It was, like... Supernatural."

"And you said it was chasin' you and Pete?" Juno looks worried, now, and she's placed a hand gently on Pigeon's shoulder.

"Yeah, it chased me all the way back here, and then it ran off, that way–" Pigeon points to a trail of black ooze and scattered leaves "–But Pete and I got separated. So I built the fire."

"Right, uh." Duck pulls Juno aside, furrowing his brow. "That doesn't sound like any bear to me, Juno, I don't know if this is in our pay grade."

"Someone's in danger, Duck. We gotta try." Juno looks Duck dead in the eye, and Duck remembers a lifetime of hockey games, parties, and drunk conversations with the woman in front of him. And he makes up his mind.

"Alright. I'm comin' with you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i swear to god not every chapter title is gonna be the last line of the chapter
> 
> anyways shoutout to @bunnyLexicon for giving me the very good name for junos hockey stick (her full name is sugar smacks) its 200% better than anything i ever couldve come up with, and continued shoutout to @astrophels for beta reading
> 
> im really happy to have juno introduced cause, spoiler alert, im hopin to give her some Good screentime


	3. We Can't Stop Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shoutout to astrophels for beta reading and also keeping me from uploading it the second i finished it, sorry i didnt manage to wait a whole week to post it, astro, i swear on my life i tried but i was just so excited for this chapter!!!!
> 
> anyways, trigger warning for a brief mention of drug-related hallucinations (no drugs were abused in the making of this chapter)

Juno sighs, taking off her hat to use as a fan.

"Okay, so we haven't found Pete yet. But we will, alright? So shut up about it already."

"Well, yeah, if you set a pair of rangers loose in the forest, eventually they'll find somebody's lost friend, but eventually is a long time, Juno! Maybe we should head back, see if he's found his way back to Pigeon."

"Are you kidding? We've never had this kind of job before now, do you really want to chicken out? Oh, shit, there's a good poultry joke in that, hold on–"

"Stop fuckin' around, alright? This is serious. Really, we oughta be gettin' cops out here to help us look..."

"I told you, the phones weren't workin'. I'm the best you've got, for better or for worse."

"Yeah, yeah, I still have a bad feeling about– This..." Duck stops in his tracks, and Juno turns to face him. His face is white in the light of their flashlights, and he's fixated on a point in front of them. Juno glances in front of them, but sees nothing beyond the broken branches and black blood forming their trail.

"Duck? Are you alright?"

Duck stares ahead of himself for a few seconds, then shakes his head. "Yeah, I'm– I'm good. But I'm not doing this any longer, alright? I'm goin' back." 

Juno grabs his arm before he can even finish turning around. "Duck, we can't stop now, there could be a life depending on us."

"Oh, god, stop– Minerva, this is a bad time!" Duck is facing back towards the point he was fixating on before Juno grabbed him, and Juno feels a pain building between her ears as she tries to remember their high school exploits.

"Duck, you said you were clean. I need to know if you've done anything tonight, okay? We can go back, but I need to know what you took." Juno squeezes Duck's arm gently, trying to turn him to face her.

"I– I am clean, I swear, this is– I got one of those, uh– No! Fuck no, you can't do that!" Duck twists a bit in Juno's arms, but she holds him steady as the pain between her ears begins to pulse, slowly increasing.

"Duck, I need you to calm down and level with me, alright? I can help you, but not if you're gonna lie to me."

"I'm not lyin', I– It's hard to explain–"

Duck winces, and Juno feels something like a hot icepick going straight through her head. She feels her senses blur for a moment. Does she shout? She doesn't know. The pain is certainly strong enough to warrant it.

And then the pain is over. Juno is sitting on the forest floor with a worried Duck leaning over her. And behind him is a bright light.

"What the fuck."

"Juno Divine, yes? You are clearly a capable warrior. Will you help your friend Duck Newton to claim his destiny?" A booming voice comes from somewhere behind Duck, and Juno sees that light get closer, almost taking shape. But, no. That doesn't make sense.

"I'm sorry, Juno, I thought she was a hallucination too for a real long time, but I swear I'm sober, alright? Just, don't help her. She's... The worst."

"Is that any way to talk about an old friend, Duck Newton?" The light behind Duck is definitely taking the shape of a human now, Juno realizes, as a hulking, warrior-like figure made of pure white light puts her hands on her hips. "I'm sorry for the rude introduction, Juno Divine, but we have no time to waste! I have heard much about you, and believe that you will help Duck to realize his true purpose!"

Juno blinks a few times, adjusting to the light of the woman behind Duck. The dirt and blood underneath her starts to seep through her jeans, and she stands up, doing her best to make eye contact with the figure. There's a moment of silence as Duck stands, stepping to the side. Juno stares into what she hopes are the figure's eyes. The figure seems to stare right back.

"Yeah... What the hell. I guess you know my name, so... What's yours?"

"I am Minerva! I have attempted to train your friend Duck for decades, but he has been far less receptive than you. Perhaps you would have been a better apprentice, but I suppose it is too late!"

"Oh my god. This isn't happening. This can't be happening." Out of the corner of her eye, Juno watches Duck walk to the side of the path, sit down, and put one cheek on his hand. She can't help but think that he looks like a child.

"Now that pleasantries are out of the way, Duck! Where is your weapon? You mustn't be out at this time with no weapon!"

"Yeah, um, honestly, it kinda freaked me out, so, I left it with a... Friend? Yeah. A friend. I don't really have an aesthetic, but I don't think adding a sword would do wonders for my social image."

"Why not? The sword is a one-of-a-kind instrument of destiny, surely it would make your friends respect you as a warrior!"

"Yeah, things don't really work that way around here, Minerva. People don't really carry–"

Before Duck can finish his sentence, a loud snap fills the air. And another. And a deep, monstrous sigh. And as Duck and Juno spin towards the source of the sounds, Minerva asks, "Duck Newton! Juno Divine! Are you in d–"

And she disappears, leaving the rangers alone. Alone, in the middle of the woods. Alone, with only themselves and a monster for company. Alone, and about to die.

Juno, having seen things that could only be described as "alien" contacting her best friend of three decades, abandons all hope of a normal night.

"Duck? I need you to follow me as closely as you can." And she takes off, running at top speed in the direction of the arch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)


	4. I Want To Help

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i didnt post this earlier, i forgot id written it, lol. im workin on chapter five as we speak, by the way!

Aubrey twists the cord of the necklace in her mouth and leans back in her folding chair, trying to track a mockingbird's journey through the pine branches above her head. Her head is swimming with thoughts of vampires from faraway worlds, so the sound of a human voice from a very nearby world takes a few moments to jolt her out of her wanderings.

 

"Aubrey, are you payin' attention? You don't seem near as interested in all this as you were last night." Mama puts a hand on Aubrey's knee and gives her a friendly shake. "If you need some time to adjust to Kepler, nobody's gonna begrudge you that."

 

"No, I–" Aubrey spits out her necklace, still twisting the cord around her finger. "I want to be here, I want to help, I just– There's so much information, it's hard to focus!"

 

"Look, you're either here or you're not, but it's go time, we can't baby you right now." Hollis leans forward from their seat in front of the arch, fixing Aubrey with a stare from behind their aviators. "This is life-or-death shit, okay? I'm two men down, we don't need any more chaos this week."

 

"Oh, cut her some slack! I was that way when I started out, right? And now I'm your best consultant!" A man with a salt-and-pepper beard and the deepest smile lines Aubrey's ever seen grins, hitting his cane against the forest floor for emphasis.

 

"You're our only consultant, Ned," says the one next to Hollis– Keats? Aubrey wishes everyone were wearing name tags.

 

"That doesn't mean I'm not also the best," the older man retorts. His shit-eating grin tells Aubrey this is a conversation they've had before, and Aubrey can't help but smile.

 

"It's all semantics, guys, we need to focus." Hollis rubs at the bridge of their nose, and Aubrey tries to push her smile back. "Fuck, where's Juno? I swear to god, she's the only reason we have any type of order here..."

 

"Hollis, maybe it wouldn't hurt to delay a few more minutes, maybe fill Aubrey in a little more, introduce her to everybody..." Mama gives Aubrey's knee one last squeeze and gives Hollis a  _ look _ that Aubrey can't read.

 

"Yeah, okay, whatever, just... I'm gonna go get a coffee, Keith, you're in charge."

 

The one next to Hollis–  _ Keith _ , not  _ Keats _ , duh, Aubrey, you can do better than that– Straightens up in his seat, turning a bit pink. Aubrey realizes that he was still bickering with the older man, Ned? Yeah, Ned. "Got it!"

 

Hollis starts the walk towards the Amnesty Lodge, and Aubrey suddenly feels very alone, even with Mama by her side. Keith gives her an expectant look. Aubrey does not know what he expects.

 

And then the silence is broken as somebody trips over the chair Hollis left in front of the archway and curses. A forest ranger with a puff of black curls under her hat and the word "Divine" embroidered onto the pocket of her jacket gives the assembly a harried grin. "Oh, great... You've started already. This is gonna be awkward, but I swear I can explain."

 

"Juno, what the fuck were you doing in Sylvane?" Keith stands up from his seat abruptly, and Aubrey slips her necklace back into her mouth, doing her best to shrink into invisibility.

 

Before the ranger, no, Juno, can respond, another ranger stumbles out behind her, looking incredibly dazed. He looks around and grimaces before muttering, "Aw, shit, I think our cover's blown."

 

"I was... I was gonna wait until after the hunt to introduce him to y'all, but, this is Duck Newton, my coworker, my best friend, and, apparently, a Chosen One?"

 

"Juno. What the fuck is going on." Hollis has turned back to the group. They look ready to punch somebody in the face. Aubrey is just glad that she isn't that somebody.

 

"It's a long story, and, before I tell it– Oh! You must be Aubrey!" Juno brightens up almost instantly, striding over to Aubrey and holding out a hand for her to shake. "How are you liking the Hornets so far? It's a rough time to join, but I'm sure you'll do great. Love the hair." Before Aubrey can react to Juno's quick handshake-head-pat-combo, Juno's turned to Mama. "And, Maddie, is that a new shirt? It looks great on you, I've missed you at meetings, though, you really should come by more often." Juno straightens up, looking around the group. "I see Tim and Bevan are still healing, that's a pity, has anybody talked to them today?"

 

Aubrey leans over to Mama and whispers,  _ "Maddie?" _

 

_ "If you ever call me that, I will rip you limb from limb and use you to decorate the Lodge." _ Aubrey swears she sees a blush forming on Mama's cheeks, and resolves to never ask again.

 

"Great, great, and you're taking notes?" Aubrey realizes she's missed a part of the conversation when she sees Juno facing a boy who can't be any older than her wearing a backwards baseball cap and the noisiest shirt she's ever seen, who nods and holds up a legal pad and a pen. "Amazing. Now–"

 

"Juno? Please tell me what the fuck is going on before I lose my fucking mind." Hollis has made their way back to their seat, and, before sitting down, they grab the arm of the other ranger as he tries to scoot out of the way without even looking.

 

"Right, yeah, um... Well, the good news is that we found the Abomination."

 

"And the bad news?"

 

"The abomination found other prey."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dont worry aubreys necklace is meant to be chewed on

**Author's Note:**

> if you wanna support me follow quincycarter or horsegirllucretia on tumblr, taakovevo on waterfall, or quincycartercosplays on instagram or tiktok, i write about vampfire and ice (danbrey but jake is there) and taakos depression and i cosplay aubrey and taako (among others)
> 
> also if you wanna promote the fic reblog the post i made about it you can find the post at https://horsegirllucretia.tumblr.com/post/185834142891/ or https://taakovevo.waterfall.social/post/136530


End file.
